I Hate it..

-I hate how much you make me smile, even just the thought of you begins the reservoir of butterflies breaking from their cocoons making their way out of the place where you often make your way to feast. (And the pulsing... begins... again...)

-I hate it when I get "hey beautiful" text messages to only find out it's not you. (Like damn... I don't want attention from them. Don't worry Papi, they are only shadows that cover your non-existence)

-I hate that you're not taking advantage of my half decent TexMex meals, while the ones sipping on the 12% at it's finest are the ones made with the most love.
(Shame....do you even know me.)

-I hate it that there is a seed of fear inside the depths that exists knowing any day you can find the "one". (Or forever hold your peace....)

-I hate how I openly, waiting, and ready to welcome you like a prodigal son. (Weird analogy, but it's the LOVESICK part about it...)

-I hate how I dwell in my bed full of lonely nights, day dreaming in the beds of Solomon. (For you have awaken the love that pleases. Oh My Beloved, rest your head between my breasts, my lover is a wild flower, a sweet sachet of myrrh.)

-I hate the the cycle of the three C's. The on going comparison, a constant contemplation of how you're better than them. (The truth is my white lie..)

 -I hate that I know the truth, the truth of my worth, the respect I deserve, and the "never settle" quotes that inflame when I'm trying to get you to stop running around the dome. (It's True, and to them, they know...but to you I don't.)

-I hate that I'm often wondering in disbelief if this will ever stop, you all up in my emotions. Will there be a day you don't exist in my deep, deep, (sigh) thinking cranium. (But the real question I battle is if I want it to stop..)

I hate it....
◦

The Detour

 

Detours are frustrating... well at least for me they are! I can get really annoyed when it’s an inconvenience, especially when it’s in the middle of the night and the construction men are working and slowing traffic down and sending them a different direction. I remember one late evening I left work really late and I couldn't wait to get home to eat, shower, and relax. Well that night that's what I had planned, never the less my plan didn't go as I vision it. I ended up on a backed up two way street, bumper to bumper heading the opposite direction from my home..... Grrrr I was so annoyed, I was annoyed with the people in the cars in front of me, in back of me, I was annoyed with the construction men directed the traffic and I was annoyed with whatever work they were doing! Yea.... Ok... Not a big deal right?! But the issue was that I had recently moved into my place and just as I was getting used to it, the road I normally drove on to get to and from was now being torn apart.  I had to drive an additional X miles to get to work and home. This wasn't just a onetime event, the construction and detour of it was going to last more than 6 months.

You see my everyday norm wasn't going to be a norm for me anymore. I was going to have to wake up earlier to get to work, arrive home later than usual, and use more miles/gas money and it was all out of my control. I had to make some adjustments of my own and deal with it! As the months passed, I started to see a smooth concrete road being laid out, more and more I could see the finishing of it. So finally some time later the construction was all done. Not only was it done, but my commute was so much nicer because it wasn't a two way road anymore, it was double lane and there were more options to get onto highways much easier and faster. Now that was pleasant, not only for me, but I'm sure for all the other people that lived in my neighborhood.

Many times we get forced to take life detours that are unexpected. Just when it seems like life is good or we are at a comfort state it suddenly gets interrupted. I personally know what it feels like to face a "life interruption” and it really suuuuccckkkkssss! I got so annoyed... I kicked, I screamed, I cried, I begged, and the list goes on. I could only a see the mess at the moment of my detour that I didn't even create in first place. What I thought was good was actually being destroyed.... I just didn't get it, it didn't make sense. I blamed others, I was mad at the people causing the mess, and was just simply frustrated! I wanted to change something that was out of my control... I'm sure you're getting my drift. You know when something is going the opposite direction from what you know is right and true. Or when you did all you could do to avoid any mishaps, but the smash up kept coming. Just like when the road is being redone, the drills are going straight through and the concrete to tear apart and break it into pieces..... Yes, that's how I pretty much felt when my detour started, my internal world was being torn apart, I didn't know why, and all I knew was agony. After a long journey of heartache, confusion, endurance, and sacrifice I realized that although there are situations we call "interruptions" we can still enjoy what lies ahead.

 

To simplify my point, although we face some difficult challenges in life, it is actually for our benefit if we just allow it. We have the decision to get stuck in a pity state being lost and confuse. We have the choice to complain on how life was so much better “back then”, and miss out on the better life that is being orchestrated before us.  We have the choice, to seek the better things and do all the good that we know. Many times when detours rise up will be because there is something that needs to be destroyed within our internal world, but only to make us better and more beautiful…. Again, that’s only if you allow it. You don’t have to hate or blame others for the destruction in your situation, but be patient, stay focus, and keep taking steps forward.

There is a more pleasant life road being expanded just for you, don’t act too quickly on the destruction you see in front of you, but wait and let run its course. There is a great reward, and great benefit for your behalf waiting for you and those around you! Fight for what you know is right, seek up, and just wait on The One that allowed the detour in first place :-)

 

Jeremiah 29:10-11

^10-11 This is God’s Word on the subject: “As soon as Babylon’s seventy years are up and not a day before, I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

 

 

 

 

·        Freedom: the power of right to act, speak, think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. The state of not being imprisoned or enslaved. Liberation, release, deliverance, discharge.

·        Sparrow: The sparrow is vigilant in her goals. She can be quite intimidating to some. She is a master of flight, and camouflage, and as such the sparrow teaches us to use our creativity to get around in life – think outside the box, and be creative in solving our problems. She represents Joy, Protection, Simplicity, Creativity, Friendliness, Community, and Productivity. All too often we take the sparrow for granted – small though she may be, she is certainly powerful.  It is her slightness in size that gives her advantages.  She reminds us we do not have to have the big stuff (cars, house, etc.) to be important, and we do not have to have the loudest voice in order be heard. Gospel hymns, such as “His Eye Is on the Sparrow,” also use the image of the sparrow to denote the importance of all things in the eyes of God.

• Number Eight:: New Beginnings.

My "Pilgrim" Days: Talk about nothing....

My "Pilgrim" Days: Talk about nothing....: Talk about nothing....     I wanted to share a small revelation I received from the Father recently. How HE perceives talk...

Talk about nothing....

Talk about nothing....

 

 

I wanted to share a small revelation I received from the Father recently. How HE perceives talking to him about anything and everything.

 

For those who have children you will know exactly what I'll be talking about,  for those who have particular friends and family that LOVE to talk, and for those who have a that wonderful spouse that never "shuts up!".... Relax, I'm saying all in love! Sometimes we just go with along with all what they're saying and just agree. Right?!

 

One afternoon I was in my kitchen cleaning and preparing dinner. All while I was doing this, my eight year son was just talking away and he was talking about anything and everything. He does this often, and I always respond with, "Really, wow, ooohhh, ugh huh" just going along with it right. But this day was different, I was intrigued with all little nothing’s he was saying. I suddenly caught myself sitting next to him in my kitchen table just listening and admiring his, questions, his opinions, and his interest. At the very moment God wrecked my heart and showed me that's how he is with us. He is excited and always interested in what we have to say to him, He is there always ready to listen even when we don't have a whole lot of nothing to say. It's amazing how He longs to be in constant fellowship with us. Many times we think we only should go to the Father when there are trials, or when we face something too big and after we have realized we can't do it on our own, then that's when we go to the Father and ask him to take over our problem. That’s not at all the case on how age sees things. He wants us to go to him with all things. Even if it's a small silly thing, He wants us to take to him, talk to Him about it. He really enjoys all the little nothings we have to talk about and He is always ready to give you His undivided attention, His love is so great, that we can talk our lives away and to him it's so minor.

 

So in sharing this I just wanted to give you a little reminder or encouragement that our God is full of love and desires for all to come to him with anything and everything. He is waiting and ready to respond. Don’t ever think your problem or concern is too silly to take to God, because He is ready to provide everything you need for the little nothing’s in your life.

 

Mirror Mirror on the wall, who holds the highest standards of them all?

Mirror Mirror on the wall, who holds the highest standards of them all?

Imagine yourself looking into mirror and that mirror never moves to the left or to the right, it's on a constant go with you and always in front of you. On the mirror there is "I Wants" of a variety of things written on it. These "wants" are a reflection of what is inside of you and how you want things to be.

Okay so let’s hold that thought for a moment...

Let me go into expectation of others. We go into a relationship, friendship rather if its love, business, and whatever the case maybe, we automatically expect something from the other individual. We automatically place standards on how this individual should be simply because they are in our lives. Can it be a bit selfish?

So in saying this - How can you expect honesty when one has never been true to themselves?

How can you expect love when one has never been loved?

How can you expect loyalty when one only knows treachery?

How can you expect charity when one has only been robbed?

How can you expect someone to be something that is foreign to them?

Many relationships fail because we set higher standards on others. When we set "OUR" standards we are setting them up for failure.

Now going back to the mirror; try removing the mirror from in front of you with all your wants and actually see the person or the situation as it is. When we start to discover the truth then our standards will get on their level (understand them) in which could be a positive and beautiful outcome. We begin to see with clarity and beauty will start to unfold. All it takes is a moment of selflessness. Each person has something that will never meet up to what we expect, but only if we can comprehend that we ourselves are not perfect we can see others for who they are and appreciate their uniqueness. We all have somewhat of a narcissist personality within; we've just been too busy looking at ourselves in that mirror full of "I want" that we don't truly notice others and their needs.

Set standards that will build others UP not bring them down. Love yourself along with your imperfections so that you can appreciate others for who they are.

“Love Is Indispensable” ~ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.....

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

The Bride turns her back on her Beloved

The Bride turns her back on her Beloved:

All while the Bride is waiting on her special day....

The Bride begins to get ready with this great anticipation; her picture perfect of meeting her beloved as she sits and waits and imagines looking into His eyes, forever at last, together with nothing separating them. Her heart skips a beat every time she thinks of Him. The days pass, some with chaos, some with joy. She seems to face many trials and tribulations, yet His soft voice reminds her of their special day that is yet to come. The bride is determined, and just the thought of Him helps her stay focused.

All while she waits, she suddenly notices this thing she can barley stand - her loneliness, she wonders if it will ever happen, time is ticking. The Bride rises with frustration; she starts to notice a little girl in the mirror and sees pain, betrayal, loneliness, and sadness staring at her. She glares to wait on some sort of comfort but nothing fills her.  She no longer can envision her future with her beloved, she no longer has excitement, and she no longer cares or sees a purpose on her special day.

All while her Beloved waits on His Bride…..  

All while He waits and watches His Bride take her attention off Him. She now has found something pleasing to her eye. Alluring new lovers into her life; she is suddenly distracted by what seems to be beauty and fiery. Her eyes are no longer on her beloved, but on her new comforters. Her heart has been flooded with a false love, a quick fix, a temporary type of satisfaction to void out the little girl inside of her. All while He waits, He sees her breaking into pieces inside as she goes after empty promises. Yet she continues to run away from Him knowingly He is nothing but the truth. She sees Him looking for her, waiting for her; as she feels like a wine glass shattered into a million pieces, she keeps running away from her Beloved. BUT He won’t stop chasing her, His relentless pursuit after His bride slowly pulls her back; she finally stops and turns back to look at Him…. The moment she looks into her beloved eyes, His deep love, His fiery gaze at her, His forgiveness, calls to the depths of her being and explodes her with completeness!

All while she waits on her special day....

He breaths His promise into her once again, He gets on His knees once again, "Will you be my bride, will you be mine, will give me your heart, will you trust me, will you let me fill your emptiness, will you leave all your other temporary lovers and be mine forever, will you wait for me?”

She waits again, flabbergasted by His indescribable Love that He has for her.

I write this in reference to the church aka “The Bride” and her beloved Jesus. We know that in Revelation 19 there is a Bride (Saints / Christians / The CHURCH) that will make herself ready for the coming marriage of the Lamb. In the book of Hosea (Chapters 1 and 2), is another example of the Bride – the bride that actually prostitutes herself. Hosea’s wife turns her back on Hosea to go to other lovers, and she prostitutes herself to fulfill the very desire of her flesh. She was symbolic to God’s chosen people. Many times as individuals and “The Church” we don’t really realize the many compromises we make to satisfy our flesh, the cravings of this world. We may still be in the waiting room preparing ourselves for Jesus, but yet our focuses are on the quick fix, on the things that are flattering to the eye. When we allow this to happen, we are simply having an affair on our beloved. We cheat on God when we put other things above Him, it could be people, money, and other satisfactions. But His unfailing love calls us every day to turn back to Him and just simply live for Him. He knows the desperation those other things can bring us if we make them our primary love. “Seek The Kingdom of God first and ALL things will be given to you.”

Hosea 2 - Israel Punished and Restored

² “Rebuke your mother, rebuke her,
    for she is not my wife,
    and I am not her husband.
Let her remove the adulterous look from her face
    and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts.
³ Otherwise I will strip her naked
    and make her as bare as on the day she was born;
I will make her like a desert,
    turn her into a parched land,
    and slay her with thirst.
⁴ I will not show my love to her children,
    because they are the children of adultery.
⁵ Their mother has been unfaithful
    and has conceived them in disgrace.
She said, ‘I will go after my lovers,
    who give me my food and my water,
    my wool and my linen, my olive oil and my drink.’
⁶ Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes;
    I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.
⁷ She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;
    she will look for them but not find them.
Then she will say,
    ‘I will go back to my husband as at first,
    for then I was better off than now.’
⁸ She has not acknowledged that I was the one
    who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil,
who lavished on her the silver and gold—
    which they used for Baal.

⁹ “Therefore I will take away my grain when it ripens,
    and my new wine when it is ready.
I will take back my wool and my linen,
    intended to cover her naked body.
¹⁰ So now I will expose her lewdness
    before the eyes of her lovers;
    no one will take her out of my hands.
¹¹ I will stop all her celebrations:
    her yearly festivals, her New Moons,
    her Sabbath days—all her appointed festivals.
¹² I will ruin her vines and her fig trees,
    which she said were her pay from her lovers;
I will make them a thicket,
    and wild animals will devour them.
¹³ I will punish her for the days
    she burned incense to the Baals;
she decked herself with rings and jewelry,
    and went after her lovers,
    but me she forgot,”
declares the Lord.

¹⁴ “Therefore I am now going to allure her;
    I will lead her into the wilderness
    and speak tenderly to her.
¹⁵ There I will give her back her vineyards,
    and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will respond as in the days of her youth,
    as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

¹⁶ “In that day,” declares the Lord,
    “you will call me ‘my husband’;
    you will no longer call me ‘my master.’
¹⁷ I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
    no longer will their names be invoked.
¹⁸ In that day I will make a covenant for them
    with the beasts of the field, the birds in the sky
    and the creatures that move along the ground.
Bow and sword and battle
    I will abolish from the land,
    so that all may lie down in safety.
¹⁹ I will betroth you to me forever;
    I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
    in love and compassion.
²⁰ I will betroth you in faithfulness,
    and you will acknowledge the Lord.

²¹ “In that day I will respond,”
    declares the Lord—
“I will respond to the skies,
    and they will respond to the earth;
²² and the earth will respond to the grain,
    the new wine and the olive oil,
    and they will respond to Jezreel.
²³ I will plant her for myself in the land;
    I will show my love to the one I called ‘Not my loved one.’
I will say to those called ‘Not my people,’ ‘You are my people’;
    and they will say, ‘You are my God.’

Feel

Feel ~

Her hand reaches to His, only if she can feel Him once again. Just to know Him, even if it was just for another moment. In the rain all she wants is to simply hold His hand, walk with Him. Courage, yes courage is near, but yet shame responds with a beautiful smile. The butterflies in her belly want to escape with freedom, but stillness takes control and the colors fade into emptiness, hopelessness, and motionless....

In the darkest hour, she wants to go and not turn back, but the depths of her bones cry out - "DON'T LET ME GO!" The energy of her being is racing to and fro saying, "Hold my hand as I walk in this dark, Kiss my heart as my rain falls down, just to feel you once again is all I want!"  Restless in bed and sleepless through the night, she longs for her lover. She admits she wants him desperately. His absence is painful.

Then suddenly a whirl wind of fire electrifies her through the His touch, as her heart skips a beat and they begin to dance in her rain. His words come in like rushing waters, they wreck her, and she has no other choice but to breathe them in and out…..

“Oh, my dear friend! You’re so beautiful!
    And your eyes so beautiful—like doves!

Get up, my dear friend,
    fair and beautiful lover—come to me!
Look around you: Winter is over;
    the winter rains are over, gone!
Spring flowers are in blossom all over.
    The whole world’s a choir—and singing!
Spring warblers are filling the forest
    with sweet arpeggios.
Lilacs are exuberantly purple and perfumed,
    and cherry trees fragrant with blossoms.
Oh, get up, dear friend,
    my fair and beautiful lover—come to me!
Come, my shy and modest dove—
    leave your seclusion, come out in the open.
Let me see your face,
    let me hear your voice.
For your voice is soothing
    and your face is ravishing.

You’re so beautiful, my darling,
    so beautiful, and your dove eyes are veiled
By your hair as it flows and shimmers,
    like a flock of goats in the distance
    streaming down a hillside in the sunshine.
Your smile is generous and full—
    expressive and strong and clean.
Your lips are jewel red,
    your mouth elegant and inviting,
    your veiled cheeks soft and radiant.
The smooth, lithe lines of your neck
    command notice—all heads turn in awe and admiration!
Your breasts are like fawns,
    twins of a gazelle, grazing among the first spring flowers.

 The sweet, fragrant curves of your body,

    the soft, spiced contours of your flesh
invite me, and I come. I stay
    until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.
You’re beautiful from head to toe, my dear love,
    beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.

Come with me from Lebanon, my bride.

    Leave Lebanon behind, and come.
Leave your high mountain hideaway.
    Abandon your wilderness seclusion,
Where you keep company with lions
    and panthers guard your safety.
You’ve captured my heart, dear friend.
    You looked at me, and I fell in love.
    One look my way and I was hopelessly in love!
How beautiful your love, dear, dear friend—
    far more pleasing than a fine, rare wine,
    your fragrance more exotic than select spices.
The kisses of your lips are honey, my love,
    every syllable you speak a delicacy to savor.
Your clothes smell like the wild outdoors,
    the ozone scent of high mountains.
Dear lover and friend, you’re a secret garden,
    a private and pure fountain.
Body and soul, you are paradise,
    a whole orchard of succulent fruits—
Ripe apricots and peaches,
    oranges and pears;
Nut trees and cinnamon,
    and all scented woods;
Mint and lavender,
    and all herbs aromatic;
A garden fountain, sparkling and splashing,
    fed by went to my garden, dear friend, best lover!
    breathed the sweet fragrance.
I ate the fruit and honey,
    I drank the nectar and wine.

Celebrate with me, friends!
    Raise your glasses—“To life! To love!”

Dear, dear friend and lover,
    you’re as beautiful as Tirzah, city of delights,
Lovely as Jerusalem, city of dreams,
    the ravishing visions of my ecstasy.
Your beauty is too much for me—I’m in over my head.
    I’m not used to this! I can’t take it in.
Your hair flows and shimmers
    like a flock of goats in the distance
    streaming down a hillside in the sunshine.
Your smile is generous and full—
    expressive and strong and clean.
Your veiled cheeks
    are soft and radiant.

There’s no one like her on earth,

    never has been, never will be.
She’s a woman beyond compare.
    My dove is perfection,
Pure and innocent as the day she was born,
    and cradled in joy by her mother.
Everyone who came by to see her
    exclaimed and admired her—
All the fathers and mothers, the neighbors and friends,
    blessed and praised her:

 “Has anyone ever seen anything like this—

    dawn-fresh, moon-lovely, sun-radiant,
    ravishing as the night sky with its galaxies of stars?”

One day I went strolling through the orchard,

    looking for signs of spring,
Looking for buds about to burst into flower,
    anticipating readiness, ripeness.
Before I knew it my heart was raptured,
    carried away by lofty thoughts!

 Dance, dance, dear Shulammite, Angel-Princess!

    Dance, and we’ll feast our eyes on your grace!
Everyone wants to see the Shulammite dance
    her victory dances of love and peace. Shapely and graceful your sandaled feet,
    and queenly your movement—
Your limbs are lithe and elegant,
    the work of a master artist.
Your body is a chalice,
    wine-filled.
Your skin is silken and tawny
    like a field of wheat touched by the breeze.
Your breasts are like fawns,
    twins of a gazelle.
Your neck is carved ivory, curved and slender.
    Your eyes are wells of light, deep with mystery.
    Quintessentially feminine!
Your profile turns all heads,
    commanding attention.
The feelings I get when I see the high mountain ranges
    —stirrings of desire, longings for the heights—
Remind me of you,
    and I’m spoiled for anyone else!
Your beauty, within and without, is absolute,
    dear lover, close companion.
You are tall and supple, like the palm tree,
    and your full breasts are like sweet clusters of dates.
I say, “I’m going to climb that palm tree!
    I’m going to caress its fruit!”
Oh yes! Your breasts
    will be clusters of sweet fruit to me,
Your breath clean and cool like fresh mint,
    your tongue and lips like the best wine. Dear friend, feel my voice in your soul.

(References: My Beloved and I…. Song of Solomon.... A girl and the lover of her soul, Jesus and His bride....)